Boy, it has been a while since I have written anything. What am I doing? I’m working on a CAL that I started in April and I’m still working on. It’s a summer cover-up, so I’m really hoping to finish it by the end of summer. I’m also still working on my personal project, but it’s big and heavy and warm, so I’m taking the summer off from working on it.
I’ve been trying to come up with topics to write about, and a little while ago I saw a vagina tea cozy posted to one of my Facebook crochet groups that I follow. It was, um, interesting. I thought it was creative, but some were offended. It made me think about offensive things that people can crochet and so I searched around and created a new Pinterest Board for Risqué Crochet. If it is likely to offend, it is in this board. So if you are easily offended, stop here.
Bag of Dicks
I don’t know what occasion you would make this for? All I can think is it would be cute for a Bachelorette party. You could make a bunch of them for the attendees? It’s cute though, maybe a 4 on the offensive scale.
This one amuses me. I’ve seen a few women posting that they were making these. People are offended enough when women breast feed in public, so I think it’s hysterical to make a boob beanie for the baby. Too funny!
Vagina Chapstick Holder
From the cute, to the disturbing. You can make your own chapstick holder in the form of a vagina. Why? I have no idea. But you can. And the pattern is available on Ravelry for $1.
Penis Lip Balm Cozy Crochet Pattern
Don’t forget the penis! If there’s a vagina chapstick holder, you need to make a penis one too. Just um, don’t let them get too close to each other or you may end up with baby chapstick holders.
Penis Wine Bottle Topper
Part of me wants to make one of these for my mom. I don’t know why. I can’t imagine she’d use it, but it’s pretty funny. Again, something that would be cute for a Bachelorette party.
Don’t tell me you didn’t laugh? Seriously, look at that picture again. I can’t stop giggling. Who needs a boob job? Just get a boob scarf!
Here’s a penis scarf to go with the boob scarf. His and Hers scarves. How fun! And this scarf has pockets too.
And if that willie gets chilly, you can make a willie warmer, a peter heater, a cock cozy. I’m sure the man in your life would appreciate it. Who wants a chilly willy after all?
While we are warming things up, we may as well warm up the nipples too. You can buy a kit to make your own pasties.
It’s not all about sex and body parts. I’ve known a few pot heads over the years, and I’m sure they’d love a cute little amigurumi bong. They’d probably prefer a real one, but I’m sure they’d appreciate a crocheted one.
Time to get back to my projects. I’m hoping to finish something soon, so I can write about it. In the meantime, I’m keeping my eyes peeled for new trends on social media.
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